Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
