**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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