Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
