its not stalking. its research.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
