so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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