I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
