And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm bleeding and have questions
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
