i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
