In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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