By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
