I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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