Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
