would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my sisters under your porch take her home
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
