remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
