woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
