im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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