I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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