I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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