My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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