I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
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In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis