Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...