A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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