He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off