He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?