I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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