My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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