Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
