Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
