I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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