i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
