Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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