nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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