Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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