My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
