in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
