I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
