i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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