hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
