You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
