Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
