I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
