Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Send help, water and tortillas.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
