i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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