we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
