So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
