I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
