If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
