My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize