he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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