I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
