dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
