I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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