im six kinds of drunk right now
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
