Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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