no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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