my soul wont recognize me after tonight
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
