he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
