Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
