Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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