your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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