well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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