I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
