bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
