I will die if light touches me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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