i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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