Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
