does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
