Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
